Shocked, I looked down at my hands and found that someone had painted my fingernails pink! I was mortified. I froze for a moment, then pulled my hands in close stood up and walked out to my car. I do not remember if I excused myself or not, I have a vague feeling that some words came out but it was not under my control. At the time that was the least of my concerns – my mind was flooded with feelings and worries. What is she thinking? Will she tell everyone? What will they think of me? Am I going to lose all my friends? How could this happen?
I had an agreement with my alters at this time. I don’t care what they do at home. Listen to any music they choose, watch whatever movies appeal to them, dress in whatever clothes they want to or even painting their fingernails. But when it was time to go out, all that had to be left at home. By this time I knew who to blame for this. Bobbie was the culprit. She loves girly things – not that I can blame her for that but… Why ME?! I can see now how she helped me get through some very difficult and scary times all those years ago, and still to this day she helps me.
Most people in this world can only see me, and while my views have changed over the years, at 17 I cared a lot about how others viewed me. I was still trying to figure out who I was. I have figured that out now, with help from the most wonderful woman I know, my wife. It is much easier now that I have come to terms with having a very feminine side that shows up from time to time. My biggest supporter is my wife, and being accepted as me, as a “we” is the best thing that could have happened to me.